Dear God, I’m mad

By Pastor Bob Rasmussen

Good morning everyone and welcome to those who are watching online and via YouTube, Facebook, Roku and our website. Welcome!

Let’s pray:

Dear Heavenly Father, creator of the Universe and everything within it. Lord, hear our prayers, as we invite your Holy Spirit to fill this place this morning. Jesus, thank You for Your sacrifice as payment for our sin debt. There is nothing that You cannot do. Lord, I ask this morning that you be with all the families of those men and women who sacrificed their lives for this nation. Lord, their sacrifices allow us to gather this very morning in freedom. So please be with all the mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, and the children of the fallen. Bless them with Your Presence and heal their sorrow with Your peace. I would also ask the Lord for the protection of our military, both here and abroad, as they defend this nation. I pray for a hedge of protection around them as they perform their duties in service to this nation and the freedom that it represents. We are grateful that they and those who gave the ultimate sacrifice, in service of this republic, who placed service above self. I ask this all in the precious, powerful, and mighty Name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and our Savior. Amen

So on Monday this past week, I went to Diana’s appointment with the doctor. Before that appointment, I was encouraged by the prayers of our church family. I prayed, and I was praising. My hope and faith in God were strong.

We went into the small room, and the doctor came in and said what I had prayed against. That Diana had DCIS. Ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS). It is the earliest, non-invasive stage of breast cancer, also known as stage 0. It occurs when abnormal cells form in the lining of a milk duct but have not spread through the duct walls into the surrounding breast tissue. Or at least they think so.

I felt numb. We asked a few questions and discussed treatment options. She is scheduled for June 4^th to have the DCIS removed.

I had a job after, and I was working, and all these memories of those that I knew whose lives were taken by cancer. My mother, Jeff’s daughter, Brandi, and more.

And I realized something, that I was a little disappointed at God. Truth be told, I was a little mad. Has anyone else ever felt that way?

One thing that I always want to be with everyone here and anywhere, is to be honest. Especially when it comes to my walk in the faith.

There are topics that preachers do not want to talk about because they expose their own imperfection, or it may make the room a little uncomfortable.

That’s not me. I will always try to share the Word and how it operates in my life, including the good times and the bad.

There are seasons in the believer’s life when the soul trembles with questions too heavy to speak. There are times when prayers seem unanswered, when grief feels unbearable, when disappointment sits like a stone in our chest. And in those moments, even the most faithful of His children may whisper, “Lord… why?”

If I go into the scriptures, I can see that this has happened to others in the faith. King David wrote in Psalm 13.

Psalm 13:1 How long wilt thou forget me, O Lord? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me? 2 How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?

We hear the cry of Job from his heart

Job 30:19 He hath cast me into the mire, and I am become like dust and ashes. 20 I cry unto thee, and thou dost not hear me: I stand up, and thou regardest me not. 21 Thou art become cruel to me: with thy strong hand thou opposest thyself against me

These are not the words of rebels. These are the words of God’s people.

Anger toward God is not unbelief — I have heard it this way – it is pain that has not yet been healed. And the good news is this: God does not leave you in your anger. God does not abandon you in your confusion. God does not leave you in a place of brokenness. God sends His Spirit — the same Spirit poured out at Pentecost — to bring you out. Amen

Pentecost is not just some historical event. Pentecost is God’s answer to human weakness, human wounds, and even to human anger.

Now, I read the bible, I’ve read it from cover to cover. Several times. I forced my way through some of the Old Testament – especially Numbers. And you know what, it never promised a rose garden, does it?

Jesus said so as much in the book of John.

John 16:33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

But Diana and I – we didn’t expect this tribulation. We expected God to intervene. We expected God to protect. We expected God to answer. And when He didn’t move the way we hoped, disappointment turned into frustration, and frustration into, for me, being a little mad at God.

Pain is a powerful force. Fear is a powerful force as well. An unanswered prayer can sound like silence. All of this can disrupt our sense of security and shake the foundation of our faith. When our expectations of God’s protection and provision are not met, the disappointment can be overwhelming.

God never promised a life without storms. He never said that in this life we are living, we would not face obstacles, sickness, loss, or abandonment. Rather, He promised His presence in the storm.

Isaiah 43:1 But now thus saith the Lord that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. 2 When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.

When we go through waters, He will be with us. All the trials that we will endure are part of the fallen world we live in. Suffering is not a sign of God’s absence or that He is mad at us. And scripture says when you pass through those waters, not if. We will go through things, but we can be encouraged that even when we do not feel it, God’s Word assures us that He is still there – right there with whatever the circumstance is.

I cannot read this scripture when it talks about walking through the fire without remembering the 3 men thrown into the fiery furnace – they were preserved in the literal fire by the presence of God.

And look at David and what He said in Psalm 22.

Psalm 22:2 O my God, I cry in the day time, but thou hearest not; and in the night season, and am not silent.

He felt abandoned — even though God had not abandoned him. I think that unmet expectations can feel like betrayal. When we trust God with the ones we love the most in this life, we come to expect certain outcomes. And when those outcomes, those fervent prayers we laid before the most high God. When they don’t materialize, it can feel as though God has turned His back on us.

The church has taught us how to pray, the church has taught us how to worship, and how to serve — but not always how to feel. But God wants to heal the places you hide. He wants to heal the feelings that you do not share with others. Emotions are a God-given part of our humanity. The thing behind the “blessed and highly favored” answer we can sometimes give, even though we feel our world is falling apart at the seams.

This struggle can lead to internalized pain, spiritual isolation, and feeling like we have failed God. But God invites us to bring our whole messy lives to Him, including our emotions.

God invites honesty when we are going through whatever trial we might be facing. He knows anyway, but there is healing when we bring our whole self to Him. When we are absolutely transparent in our conversations with Him.

Psalm 62:7 In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. 8 Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.

Not your performance. Not your checkbook. Not your church face. Just your heart. The Lord desires authenticity. He welcomes our raw, messy, honest emotions. There is no need to hide anger or pain from Him. He uses it as a pathway to heal our hearts and our spirits.

There is something so very comforting in that God understands your situation, no matter what it is. This is from the Amplified version:

(AMP) Hebrews 4:14 Inasmuch then as we [believers] have a great High Priest who has [already ascended and] passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession [of faith and cling tenaciously to our absolute trust in Him as Savior].
15 For we do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize and understand our weaknesses and temptations, but One who has been tempted [knowing exactly how it feels to be human] in every respect as we are, yet without [committing any] sin.
16 Therefore let us [with privilege] approach the throne of grace [that is, the throne of God’s gracious favor] with confidence and without fear, so that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find [His amazing] grace to help in time of need [an appropriate blessing, coming just at the right moment].

Jesus experienced human suffering firsthand. He understands the depths of our emotions and does not dismiss them. His empathy is a foundation for our trust and hope in Him.

And I think something so great about God is that He stays close even when we pull away.

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. 19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all.

That word afflictions in the Greek is “rAa” – it covers disasters and calamities, but almost anything you may be going through. Harm, financial ruin, cancer, Bell’s palsy, IBS, joblessness, there is nothing that we go through that He will not be there in that moment with us.

Even when we feel distant from God, He remains close. His presence is constant, even when our faith wavers or our emotions pull us away.

Romans 8:8 There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.

Our lack of faith at times does not disqualify us from God’s love or grace. He does not condemn us for our feelings but invites us into a deeper relationship and healing.

There is a balance in life when it comes to feelings. Some people ignore feelings and think that feelings should have nothing to do with our relationship with God. That is a little extreme for me. I believe that God has given us feelings as an expression of His image in us. We can feel love, we can feel anger, we can feel sadness, sorrow, and many other feelings because God feels them.

On the other hand, some people let their feelings rule their lives. They are super messy. Our feelings are affected by the frailty of our humanity. We can’t trust our feelings because of this. It was all right for David to feel these feelings that I quoted in the Psalm, but it was better for him to take those feelings to God.

Emotional healing through the Holy Spirit is a journey—a process of opening the heart to God’s transformative power. It begins with acknowledging the emotion honestly, not hiding or denying it, but bringing it fully into the light of God’s presence. Scripture encourages us to do so.

1 Peter 5:6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: 7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

Bringing whatever you are feeling to God is an act of faith. It says, “Lord, I am hurting, and I need Your help.” The Spirit then begins to reveal the root causes —whether it is fear, betrayal, unmet expectations, or wounds from the past.

John 16:13 Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come.

The Spirit exposes misconceptions we might have about God and ourselves, replacing them with His truth. It quells the voice of the enemy and the lie telling us that He is not with us or He does not care, or you failed Him again he is gone this time, to name just a few.

Isaiah 61:1 The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; 2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; 3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.

I think that this recent experience with Diana has reminded me how important that surrendering the outcome means letting go of our desire to control how God should act or respond. God is good, always. There are bad things that happen to us in this life. Both are true at the same time.

Do I know why He answers this prayer or that prayer. Nope. Do I know why He intervenes in this situation and not that situation. Nope. No, not at all. But what I can do is look at His Word.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. 7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.

This process is not always quick or easy. It requires patience, prayer, and openness to the Spirit’s leading. But it is a journey worth taking, for it leads to freedom, peace, and renewed joy in the Lord.

So, what does that look like in real life? I am glad you asked!

Monday was a blur, with a lot of numbness and genuine disappointment. We had let the kids know when they came over for a cookout on Sunday.

Tuesday, I think I talked to God once, maybe twice. It was a busy day and I was happy for the distraction.

Wednesday was when things started to change. I was working outside all day. I had both of my air pods in and I praise music minister to me. Good worship music that is rooted in the Word can be so helpful. The promises of God, His character, encouraging words. I was praising by the end of a long day and started to pray more. Thursday was back down a little – sometimes it is like that. You will go up and down.

Friday was the breakthrough. It was the day I was able to really pray. It was the day the I reminded God of His promises. I understood that Jesus is Diana’s savior – the one who loves her, the one who knows her, the one who made her. She is His child and I was reminded how much He loves her and that no matter what happens, Jesus will take care of her.

I submitted my whole heart to Him, and He touched it in the secret places and gave me peace, He gave me hope, and forgiveness that I was so desperate for.

Yesterday, I was able to spend the whole day in His Word and write this message. He is so good.

This was all possible because of a promise from the Lord Himself. A promise that would allow us to have a true relationship with the living God.

Acts 1:8 But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth.

A promise that was fulfilled in the Upper Room during Pentecost.

Acts 2:1 And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place. 2 And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting. 3 And there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them. 4 And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.

If you are here this morning or are watching online, this gift paid for with the Life of Jesus, is available to you. It will change your life and help you get through this life. It will give you the power to proclaim the gospel, to lay hands on the sick and they will recover.

Acts 2:17 And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out of my Spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams: 18 And on my servants and on my handmaidens I will pour out in those days of my Spirit; and they shall prophesy: 19 And I will shew wonders in heaven above, and signs in the earth beneath; blood, and fire, and vapour of smoke: 20 The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood, before the great and notable day of the Lord come: 21 And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved
Acts 2:37 Now when they heard this, they were pricked in their heart, and said unto Peter and to the rest of the apostles, Men and brethren, what shall we do? 38 Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. 39 For the promise is unto you, and to your children, and to all that are afar off, even as many as the Lord our God shall call.